Out of the mouth of babes come some amazing things - those of you who are parents or who are frequently around ‘little ones’ know this. Recently, my four-year-old son executed the most impressive display of persuasive negotiating that I have seen in a while. In the flash of a moment he delivered a simple question that contained the five key elements of negotiating. In the process he dissolved firm, seemingly-impenetrable barriers. The five keys to effective negotiation that he showcased will be summarized in a few moments. His question and brief story is shared below.
My family returned from a grueling day of fun and sun – we were all exhausted. My wife and I got our sons ready for bed as quickly as possible. Noah, the four-year-old protagonist in this story, likes to receive a gentle back scratching prior to shuffling off to slumber. As he crawled into bed on this evening he requested a back scratch, to which my fatigued wife replied, “Noah, it’s very late, it is time for sleep.” Noah’s response was wonderful. With large, blinking eyes and a soft lilt in his voice he asked my wife: “Mommy, is a minute such a long time?” As my wife’s near delirium melted away, she smiled and answered, “No son, a minute is not such a long time.” She began to scratch his back.
Noah’s question and technique contained five keys that lead to successful negotiations. First, he found an emotional connection with the other person. Noah was very successful in striking an emotional chord that resonated so well that my wife did something she had no intention of doing. Remember: facts tell emotions sell – and Noah’s words, tone, and body language sold his idea very well. Please keep in mind, in business sometimes the emotional connection comes in the form of building rapport, other times it is finding where others have pain in their business and stomping on that pain until they are convinced that you understand their situation and that you hold the key to providing the most effective resolution.
After my wife finished rubbing Noah’s back she was glad she did. This brings us to the second component for successful negotiations - seek mutually beneficial outcomes. In today’s business vernacular this is commonly referred to as win-win scenarios. Noah found a win by creating a situation where he received what he was looking for, and in the process, the atmosphere and action set the table for my wife to feel good about being an outstanding parent. The power in seeking mutually beneficial outcomes lies in the fact that business, like child rearing, is a long game. Certainly we must all deliver short-term results, but when we lose sight of the long-term we begin to pursue actions that are less than wise or ethical. Long-term, ethical vision helps everyone win.
The third ingredient to successful negotiations is to always negotiate with the decision-maker. Noah did this quite nicely. If for example he had made the statement to my wife but requested that I scratch his back, I could have easily declined the request when my wife asked me because I would not have been as emotionally vested as she. In other words, seeing Noah’s delivery of the request was paramount to being influenced by his words. Consider for a moment some of your past negotiating situations. How many times have you ‘sold’ the influencer only to receive a quick decline from the ultimate decision maker – who you never meet in person! Why do unmet decision makers rarely accept proposals and requests? Because we allow two important rules to be broken: 1. not dealing with the person/group making the decision, and 2. not creating an emotional connection with the decision maker.
The fourth element of successful negotiation that Noah pulled off beautifully was to make certain that the other person got it. In other words, he structured the conversation (i.e., his question) so that my wife’s response would clearly state that she understood his request. Her weary reply, “No son, a minute is not such a long time,” let Noah know that she got the message. In the business world a technique that works quite nicely is paraphrasing. Remember: paraphrasing lets others know you are listening, and creates a basis for mutual understanding.
The fifth and final key to successful negotiation is to set a time table for the other person’s response/decision/action. In Noah’s case he structured things in a pass/fail manner. He was either going to receive a back scratch or not. In the business, too frequently professionals give the person with whom they are negotiating an open window regarding responding. Setting definitive response times and requesting ‘yes’ or ‘no’ decisions are important. Allowing others to ‘think about it’ with no time sensitivity simply wastes time and prolongs the inevitable ‘no’ response.
So, as we come to a close on this important topic, let’s review the Noah Method for successful and persuasive negotiations:
- Strike an emotional chord
- Seek mutually beneficial outcomes
- Negotiate with the decision-maker
- Test for understanding
- Request a timely response
If you follow these simple steps and remember that everything is negotiable, you will sleep much easier at night. Who knows, you might even get a nice little bonus before nodding off.